Currently Gaming Command and Conquer the First Decade (DVD-Rom) By Electronic Arts see related

she's a big one

in an episode of 'the Simpsons', Homer somehow ends up in the bucket of a Springfield hook and ladder fire truck.  and it's gone off a peir and is slowly sinking.  Homer looks to the skies and cries out 'i don't know if you're there or if you can hear me but if you can SAVE ME SUPERMAN!'

the story is told of a head and assistant McDonald's maintenance men that were on their way out to check on a third who was supposed to be painting.  on the way the assistant said to his supervisor 'you know Larry's been out here for three days and only painted about 2 feet of wall, right.  and everytime you come out to check on him he's doing something else.  do you really think that he's done this time?'  the head of maintenance looked over at the assisstant adn said 'yep, i have faith in Larry.'  they both stopped, looked at each other and died laughing.  when they got to the painted portion of the wall.  nothing new had been accomplished.

what makes a man faith... full? you know full of faith?  this is a question and a bit of a quest that has 'plagued' me for the better part of a year now.  and it's a question that i've been asking (if only in passing) for a good portion of my life as well.  I've heard many people comment on my faith and how strong it is.  and it baffles me, truly baffles me.  what is it that they are seeing?  one once commented on my faith with finances after i gave a gift towards their missions trip (to me it seemed like the only thing i could do given the circumstances, not to mention it's the only ministry that i have right now).  i once had someone comment on my faith after walking out of a museum evolution exhibit.  (exactly how much faith does it take to walk?)  someone once made a comment that after knowing me for years that it only made sense that i went to a christian college.  Boog once told squirrel that where they and brunner need to see the evidence that i had faith and that was enough for me.  my roommate has made remarks about my faith in my job decisions.  a few have even suggested that they wish they had my faith.  and honestly now that i think about it i have seen it in myself as well.  but when i realize this upon every new leap of faith that God propels me on it surprises me.  what does that say about me?

Do i believe Christ when he says that a mustard seed of faith can move mountains?  or do i ask how much do i have to have to move molehills, beaver crossings, an antfarm?  do i even ask?  Do i believe that the same faith that is said to move physical mountains can move the mountains of pride, sin, self-loathing, and doubt in my heart?  Do i?  i've spent the last year trying to figure that out.

faith is intangible.  it's hard to describe, define, quantify.  kinda like the lucky numbers that come inside a fortune cookie.  i mean, sure, it's good to know that mine are 26, 29, 30, 32, 36, and 47.  but what do i do with them?  am i now obligated to go and play the lottery, every lottery, until i eat my next fortune cookie?  Am i supposed to put Faith in them?  The way i figure it i might just as well put my faith in Larry, for all the good that will do me.

Hebrews 11is all about faith.  or is it?  i've spent the last 9 monthes memorizing it.  and yes faith is there.  it smacks you in the face in 2/3 of the verses.  but this chapter i think is meant to point us toward something else. 

Hebrews 11:1 Now we know that faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:39-40 And all of these haveing proven themselves through faith, didnot recieve the promises.  So that God would have something better to provide us, that they should not be made perfect without us.

i'm going to go out on a limb and say that despite everything that we've been taught this chapter is not about faith.  it's about hope.  and that been said i think that is what i'm really searching for... hope.  it's what Homer Simpson was searching for.  and what so many how throw themselves into religion are looking for.  Hope.  the least talked about of the three good things God has given us.  Hope.

make comments if you wish.  either here or on my Spacebook wall.

Currently Reading The Walking Dead, Vol. 7: The Calm Before By Robert Kirkman see related

Life goes on.

that seems to be my theme through the ages.  so life is one of the many things i've been thinking about lately.  the adage the more things change, the more they stay the same continues to ring true.  i've been looking for some things that don't exist for me right now.  namely the savannah fox.  my last post is proof that i have been.  in retrospect i've probably created another awkward situation luckily this one i won't have to live with for a while.  also my lack of faith in my blood relations never ceases to amaze others but this week has proven to ring true.  i'm waiting for a call about a job from my uncle and it should have come alomst a week ago.  i've left several messages and nothing has come back to me.  but life goes on. 

i'm tired of food service.  and having reason to think that just when i think everything i want is in reach that God is setting me up for disappointment.  i know that's not what happens but still that's what it feels like.  but life goes on

i've been memorizing Hebrews 11 for the past 7 monthes.  it's been slow going because i've never made a habit of doing devotions before so i'm still learning.  as i've been reading about faith i've realized that everyone in the chapter had to sacrifice something.  i've been wondering lately what my faith will call for me to sacrifice.  but then life goes on.

Currently Watching Invader Zim Complete Invasion (3 vol. set) By Eliza Schneider, Ted Raimi, Greg Ellis (II) see related

ok so villiantine's day has come and gone.  yada yada yada yackity smackity blah (Tazmania? anyone? anyone? no? ok)  so i'm not a big fan it happens.  but as of late i'm really confused by the happenings in my life as of late.  a female friend of mine e-mails me out of the blue here not too long ago and i'm befuddled as to the intent and possible innuendo.. (ok i'm right in the middle of a thought but innuendo they couldn't tthink of a better word then that?  i mean it absolutely drips with itself.  ok gross, back to what i was saying .........now) or no innuendo is the wrong word.  but it's almost like... i have no idea what this is like because i can't read what's being said.  does that make sense?  i don't know.  i do know that i'm literate (the public school system did work in my case) so that's not the problem.  i don't know.

girls are weird.  but i've been told that boys are gross.  so it all evens out in the end.  why are we just so bad at reading each other's minds? 

Currently Reading DC Universe: The Stories of Alan Moore By Alan Moore see related

so groundchuck day has come and gone.  and again the stubborn muskrat of meat refuses to acknowledge his shadow.  thus kosher laws remain in place for another six weeks.  i'll have to take their share of bacon again this year.  it's a shame really.  but it's a sacrifce i'll gladly bear.

Currently Reading Heart of Midnight (Ravenloft Books, No 4) By J. Robert King see related

This is something that i came up with on the hour walk home from work a few weeks ago.  i got thinking about a recruiting trip to a Christian college i was apart of last year. on the the trip we sat in on a service.  not one that impressed me terribly (so much not so that i misspelled terribaly... twice).  we were sitting in common area of the main building and struck up a conversation with a girl from the Scranton area.  we talked about BBC ( Baptist Bible College in the Scranton area not British television), why she didn't go there as opposed to the school she chose, and ended up talking about the message (which as i remember was not terriblly impressive).  she gave very 'Jesus' answers ("...it sounds like you're describing an elephant but the answer must be 'Jesus'.) and as i tried to get her to think more deeply she got flustered and we changed subjects.  anyway i got thinking about this the other day and the following was the result.  it's nothing fancy as i'm not an english teacher like my friend mojhale, and this is my first poetry in years but anyway here it is.

She's been taught a religion that's not her own,
Commanded to love a God she's never known,
Worked and toiled to do everything Right.
And yet Her days look just like Night.
She wants to go deep but is afraid of God,
Afraid he's only there in a wink and a nod.
seen only the loathe of the local church,
She's afraid to trust and be left in the lurch.

and so it goes and it goes on,
from the stories of old to the Revelation of John.
Humans making God something they can attain,
and those on the outskirts bearing the strain,
of looking in and fearing God and his long white train.

He's been told there may've been a God once upon a time,
but if there was then he's a dead nursery rhyme.
Lost long ago to whereever fables flee
serving only as a parable for morality.
yet as he looks to the stars he sees something there
it calls his name and hangs sweet in the air.
He can't shake the feeling theres more than what he sees,
and maybe there's something to faith and he wants to believe.

And so it goes and it goes on,
from the stories of old the the Revelation of John.
God calls out to everyone with a quiet song,
telling those on the outskirts that they can come in and belong,
and that He love's them no matter what they've done wrong.

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ok so there's a bit of my story there too.  it's my poem.  what are they going to do reject my poetic licence?